Thursday, January 8, 2009

111th Circus - Conservative Values Aren't Dead!

By Mark Bergeron

Kids! Kids! Come quick! The circus is in town! The Circus is in town! I can smell the popped corn, candy apples and I hear the organ blasting that hypnotic tune! Look at all the limos pulling up and can you smell the jet fuel in the air? The entertainers are coming from all over the country far and wide to start the show today! Where are the elephants this year, I wonder? Not many of them but there sure are a lot of donkeys. It doesn’t matter because my favorites are the clowns! Look how silly they look! They make me smile just seeing them. They don’t even have to do anything (which is something they are VERY good at) and I just laugh out loud at them.

See that little car pulling up to the Big Top? That is where the show will be held! It is called the Capitol. And see, look – look over there! Those clowns… they just keep unloading and unloading from that little car all laughing and joking and squirting each other with those flowers on their lapels! Oh my! They are funny! Look at how they are not sure what to do or where to go! Running and bumping into each other! They seem so confused! Do they allow the newest clown from Illinois join the troop or not? It is so entertaining how they make all that chaos look as if it isn’t all planned out! (Is it?!). And see, look at that clown over there! That one is one of the new clowns, too! He has a long history of show business but hasn’t been to the Big Show yet! But he’s made me laugh so much when he was on a Saturday Night TV Show. I’m sure he’ll do the same for the Circus! He can make the Constitution look so funny! Those silly old people who wrote that thing I’m sure are laughing just like I am!

But kids – hang tight! We still have more clowns that will be coming to perform for us. I sure hope the one that talks funny shows up. She might not, though because she’s never really been a clown before (or anything) but her family has their own little circus so she has a chance. Fingers crossed. She is hilarious! “um, you know… you know… um.. uh…you know…. You know…you know…” Gosh that is funny stuff! But I will miss the one that wears the baggy pants suit. She was very entertaining and was once awarded the most popular clown just by being married to one of the biggest clowns of all. I’m pretty sure that is one way someone becomes such a credible clown. She’ll be sent around the world to entertain other countries but hopefully we’ll still get to see a show every now and again. And then there is the clown with the funny hair! He got a new job, too helping the Circus Owner. He is very, very funny, too! “Stand up, Chuck!... oh for the love of God!” Oh my! That brings tears to my eyes and makes my sides ache! He may not be a clown any longer but I’m pretty sure he’ll still have us laughing!

Oh my goodness kids! Don’t look at those clowns! Turn your heads! They are the scary kind with the mean faces. That one woman clown looks just like The Joker. She is one of the Ring Masters so her job isn’t to be quite as funny. She is looking to make new rules so that the 111th Circus will be the most entertaining of all! And the one trying to hide from the Clown from Illinois, he is the other Ring Master. He’s not funny either. I think the two Ring Masters are angry because they thought the new Circus Owner would work for them. As it turns out, it looks like the new Circus Owner doesn’t seem to really care about them one way or the other right now. Those silly clowns. They wanted this new owner but now aren’t quiet sure what to do with him. It will be fun to see what happens when his new show starts on January 20th.

So far, he’s been pretending to be the Circus Owner but soon the job will really be his. I feel bad for him because he hasn’t much experience owning a Circus and now that he has one, some of the Acts he’s done haven’t been so funny and even some of the Circus Promoters who wrote such wonderful things about him are wondering (just a little) what he is doing. He picked a guy to run one of the side shows but the fella had to go back home to New Mexico. Something about contracts getting messed up…you know… entertainment legal mumbo-jumbo stuff…all I know is it was something that wasn’t funny and shouldn’t be in a Circus or distract the Owner. Then we have the new Magician that the Owner just picked. This guy is supposed to run the Magic show that works in the shadows that you never are supposed to really see but you know is there. This Magician once worked the husband of the former clown who wears the baggy pants suit but many of the other clowns are not happy with this Magician. And they seem angry at the Owner but I’m pretty sure the Circus Promoters will settle everything down. The Owner can not be distracted by pesky things. He has a big job to do! The audience has to keep interested or the Owner will raise ticket prices and stuff like that.

Well, kids. The show is about to start! Drink this Kool-Aid and settle back. Everything will be fine and we’ll laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh…………until we cry.

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