Thursday, January 8, 2009

Clinton III (and here everyone was talking about a Bush third term….)

Mark Bergeron

And the list goes on and on and on and on of former Clinton Administration officials…. Silly me, I expected so much more.

Instead of these daily updates about who The Chosen One is adding to his cabinet or who he’s appointing to newly created White House positions, why doesn’t he just get all the Clintonians together and stick them in their posts and move along? Just a few easy steps!

1) Gather the names.
2) Put them all in one hat.
3) Put all the positions in another.
4) Pull a name.
5) Pull a position.
6) There! Post filled. Easy-peasy!

Michelle can even work behind the scenes by cutting the names out and letting Sasha and Malia play “fill the post game”. Why he’s even got his “sexiest man alive” slot done by picking Sanja Gupta for Surgeon General. I guess George Stephanopoulos was too busy or maybe he just likes the paychecks from ABC better? And when the game board is all filled, he can make one big announcement: “Clinton is back! Only new and improved!” Everyone is still in a love-affair with Willie the Wonder and is under the current spell of Obama-nosis, so the two can just be combined into one big love fest. We’ll call it “ClintObamarcissism”. There. Done. Group hug. Move along.

But while he’s at it, why doesn’t he stop all the posturing about the economy, too and just say, “I’m taking all your money and spending it any way I see fit.” “I’m going to add 600,000 new GOVERNMENT jobs.” “The deficit is going to reach $1.2 trillion dollars but you wouldn’t know the difference between $1.2 trillion or if I said, ‘$1.2 ba-zillion’ because you are not as smart as I am. So go back to whatever it was you were doing! I’ll call you when I need more campaign money.”

As for foreign policy his statement could be: “Bush did a terrible job. We no longer need a military. Everyone loves us now. Keep believing that.”

Look, in just a few short paragraphs the Obama Administration is all in place, the economy is bolstered and the whole world is signing Kumbaya. And we’ll all be happy-go-lucky just like we were during The Enlightened Period of Clinton before we entered the Dark Ages of Bush.

Jan. 20th:
“I, Barack William Jefferson Blythe Clinton Hussein Obama do solemnly swear…”

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